i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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