I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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