Betty ford says i'm here all night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
