I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
