I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
