Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
