I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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