Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Damn victory sex feels great
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
