Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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