but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
