Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
