Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
