I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
