I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
