I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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