apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
