the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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