I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
