idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
