Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
