I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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