you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
