do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
