I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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