Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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