rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
