1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
