whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
