you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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