i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And then he peed in my hair
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
