i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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