You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
