I think my vagina is haunted
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
