the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
