they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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