I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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