Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
