Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
