I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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