I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
