Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
