Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
