Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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