mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
