Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
