So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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