the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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