Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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