I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
