It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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